Cousins

I didn’t have older siblings. No one to haze me or torture me.  But also no one to look up to or trust with my secrets. However, I did have older cousins. My father had two older sisters that both lived around the corner and had children of their own. It was his sister Irene who was blessed with four girls. The youngest daughter, Jill, was five years older than me so I followed her around the most hoping she’d want to be my friend or at least let me tag along. The second oldest, Carmen, was our main babysitter.  Since my younger brother was severely autistic, we couldn’t just have anyone watch us. It’s a task best left to family and Carmen was amazing at it. My younger brother, Crispin, and I spent many nights at the my cousin’s house, like when mom had choir practice. If I was lucky, Jill would be home and we would play kick ball, or pickle in the middle. I remember we’d ride bikes in the driveway and Jill would ride hers out into the street. Then I’d follow her and my aunt would yell, “Heather Su, are you supposed to ride in the road?”  No, of course not.  So I’d sheepishly ride back to the driveway.

My cousin Carmen spent an enormous amount of time with us. She’d bring her homework with her when she babysat and I’d look at how her paper bag covered books were decorated.  Her folders were bands like Air Supply and Journey. Her bedroom wall had a half naked Prince hanging from it.  Pretty racy for a small town girl to fan girl over a half naked Puerto Rican. She loved the University of Michigan and taught me it was clearly the superior school. I may not have had older sisters, but I had older cousins and they filled a huge void in my life.

They took us in when my parents had to drop us off and rush to the hospital. Mom had given birth prematurely in the bathroom on Easter. My dad had to talk on a corded phone with the hospital on the other end and learn how to clean up his still born daughter in the bathroom as his wife cried beside him on the toilet. I rode in the van on the way to Aunt Irene’s house staring at that paper bag knowing what was in it. I was dropped off at my cousins.  They were there for me.

It was Junior Prom and we needed a place to party.  Carmen had just bought a house in the suburbs and Jill was going to be house sitting that weekend.  I asked her if she’d buy me alcohol, and let me have some friends over after Prom. Being the awesome older cousin she was, she said yes and YES!  So my Junior Prom night became unforgettable watching my friend Julie get thrown off the top of someone’s car and me throwing up my Blue Maui and Mountain Dew. Again, my cousins were there for me.

I grew up. I moved away. I know they had kids but we were at different stages of life as they were a generation ahead of me. Social media became the only thin thread of connection I had.  But then my parents died. The unthinkable happened and my brother ten years my junior and I were left with a hoarder house and a mountain of uncertainty. As we tackled the overly packed house of memories, my high school friends came through and were there to work. My teacher friends from my past teacher life came through and not only lifted piles of garbage, but lifted me up when I couldn’t lift myself.  And then came Jill and Carmen. My cousins that watched me grow up, made me dinner, dressed me into pjs, my cousins were there hours on end sifting, sorting and comforting. We laughed, we cried, never judging the house or my parents. They were family and time and time again, they were there.

I went to the Toto - Journey concert last night. I debated on paying that much, concert tickets are ridiculous. But I knew it’d be a night of classics, bangers as the kids say now.  And, I had to go see Journey because my cousin Carmen loved them. Every song reminded me of being young, of riding my tricycle down the hall, of asking Carmen to leave the hall light on when I went to bed. She loved Journey and I loved her. I’ve never realized how much my cousins meant to me until now. But listening to those songs brought me back and reminded me how lucky I was to have older cousins who where always there and always will be.